ARTIST MAMA: WHAT I KNOW & WHAT I DON’T + OPPORTUNITIES

WE CAN EXCLUSIVELY INCLUDE OUR CHILDREN IN OUR EVERYDAY ARTISTIC LIVES.

I HAVE ALWAYS MOTHERED SOMETHING, SOMEONE & SO, IN 2020 UPON LEARNING I WAS PREGNANT, IT WAS A NEW AND YET FAMILIAR FEELING AS AN ARTIST-WRITER, SOMEONE WHO IS ALWAYS CARRYING, HOARDING, AND BIRTHING. I KNEW ONCE MY CHILD WAS BORN THERE WOULD BE HURDLES, STRUGGLES, AND TIME, SPACE. A NEED TO BE ALONE SOMETIMES TO BE WHO I AM, AND DO WHAT I DO. PEOPLE LAUGHED AT ME. “YOU THINK YOU CAN STILL WRITE AND TRAVEL WITH A BABY? NOT WITHIN THE FIRST THREE YEARS….” MY MOTHER WAS DISGUSTED WHEN I WON THE PEN AMERICA WRITING FOR JUSTICE FELLOWSHIP, WHICH ALLOWED ME A WEEK IN NYC, AND LA, A TRIP I TOOK ALONE, LEAVING MY BABY WITH HER SITTER. “YOU ARE A MOTHER FIRST,” SHE SAID. I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH GUILT, MANY, MANY TIMES OVER, AND IT WASN’T UNTIL I ACTIVELY HAD THERAPY, THAT I LEARNED I AM DOING EXACTLY WHAT AN ARTIST MOM DOES. I AM MOTHERING, ALWAYS, ALL THE TIME, STILL. JUST WITH NEW GUILTS, NEW CHALLENGES.

THIS POST IS NOT A HOW-TO-BE-A-MOTHER-WRITER-ARTIST-WHATEVER YOU CALL YOURSELF. THIS POST IS MY HAND. I AM HOPING TO EXTEND WHAT I KNOW ABOUT THE LITERARY/ARTISTIC WORLD AS A MOTHER, TO THOSE, LIKE ME WHO ARE STILL TRYING TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT.

MY FIRST YEAR OF MOTHERHOOD, I READ ENDLESSLY. THE FIRST BOOK OF MANY WAS BODY FULL OF STARS BY MOLLY CARO MAY. THE SECOND BOOK WAS BLACK MILK BY ELIF SHAFAK. ANOTHER BOOK I AM STILL CARRYING AROUND IS THE LONG DEVOTION: POETS WRITING MOTHERHOOD. AS YOU CAN NOTICE, I WAS, AM STILL DESPERATE TO FIND OUT HOW OTHER MOTHERS WRITE AND DO THEIR ART. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THESE BOOKS TO ANYONE JUST LOOKING FOR THEMSELVES IN A BOOK, ALONG WITH PROMPTS, ESSAYS, AND UNDERSTANDING.

LAST SUMMER, I STUMBLED UPON THIS AMAZING BOOK, HOW NOT TO EXCLUDE ARTIST MOTHERS. IT HAS AN AMAZING COLLECTIVE OF ESSAYS AND RHETORICS AROUND ARTIST-MOMS, MYTHS, AND THE HARD TRUTHS ON HOW YES, WE ARE OFTEN EXCLUDED. THERE ARE PLACES WE CANNOT GO BECAUSE WE DO NOT HAVE SITTERS. THERE ARE OPPORTUNITIES WE WILL OFTEN MISS OUT ON BECAUSE THEY ARE EXCLUSIVE ONLY TO THE ARTIST AND NOT THEIR FAMILIES OR CHILDREN. HERE IS MY TWO CENTS ON THE MATTER:

WE GET TO DEFINE MOTHERHOOD & ARTISTHOOD.

WE CAN EXCLUSIVELY INCLUDE OUR CHILDREN IN OUR EVERYDAY ARTISTIC LIVES.

WE CAN FIND OR PROVIDE THE SPACE FOR RETREAT, WHETHER THAT BE HOME, A PLACE NEARBY, OR ELSEWHERE, WITH OUR CHILDREN AND INCLUSIVE TO OUR VILLAGE.

ALL THIS STUFF I’VE READ IS HELPFUL, BUT IT HAS ALSO BEEN BULLSHIT.

YES, I HAVE CRUMBLED AS A MOTHER. I HAVE HAD MONTHS, DAYS, SEASONS OF WRITING STAGNANTLY. YES, I WISH I WERE FARTHER ALONG LIKE MY SINGLE PEERS, AND YES I WISH I COULD ATTEND MONTH-LONG RESIDENCIES. BUT HONESTLY, MONTH-LONG RESIDENCIES HAVE NEVER ATTRACTED ME. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A HOMEBODY, ALWAYS BEEN A HOME TO “SOME” BODY, WHETHER IT BE MY PLANTS, ANIMALS, OR JUST MYSELF.

AND SO, HERE ARE SOME MOTHER-FRIENDLY OPPORTUNITIES I KNOW THAT I FEEL HAVE BEEN INCLUSIVE TO ME, MY LIFESTYLE, AND MY CHILD BEING A PART OF MY ARTISTIC JOURNEY: